The natural reaction to getting dumped is finding fault with yourself.  You immediately wonder what you could have done to prevent the breakup.  The problem is you might not know the real reason your ex decided to leave.  This can leave you running in circles trying to find ways to save the relationship.  But what if searching for the problem is all just a waste of time?

Here’s the thing…your ex left because they wanted something you weren’t giving them.  What is it?  That’s impossible for me to predict, but it really shouldn’t be that hard for you to figure out. There are two easy ways to get answers.  You can look back at your time together and try to determine what was missing, or you can watch what they do after the breakup for clues on what they’re chasing. A third method would be to ask them directly, but this can provide mix results if they are trying to protect you from the truth.

Now for the easy way to win them back…satisfy their needs.  You might now believe these three words can solve all your problems but they can.  In fact, if you can do this you are almost guaranteed another shot at being with them.  While most folks spend their time searching for the right words to say after getting dumped, you will be miles ahead of them by focusing on your ex’s needs.  You’ve heard before that actions speak louder than words and this is the perfect example.  Instead of begging for another chance get out there and give your ex a reason to come back.

So let’s compare your options…you can try to beg your ex to come back to a situation they are not interested in…or you could create a situation that matches their needs and desires.  Which option do you think will be more effective?

Now before you go buying ad space on a freeway billboard let me explain what I mean.  Marketing and sales professionals are successful when they find ways to make their ads or messages stand out from the crowd.  Sometimes they are content to just have you notice their brand or product in a world filled with competitors.  They know if they can gain your attention multiple times you will at least think of their product the next time you buy.

So how can you translate this into getting your ex to talk to you again?  Start by distinguishing yourself.  It is going to take more creativity than saying “I miss you” to invoke a response from them.  What you need is a message that grabs their attention and prompts a response.  Something like…”I have to talk to you about this”.  Want to get an even better response?  Try bending the truth a little by saying…”I know you don’t want to talk to me but I have to tell you what she said”.  I like messages like this because they will drive your ex crazy thinking what it could be that “she said”.

Now you need to have a good story to go along with these urgent messages, so make sure you have an idea of what you will say before they get back to you.  The real goal of your first conversation is to get on speaking terms again.  Once you get that door opened it will be easier to attract them back over time.  A simple goal is to leave them with a smile on their face, so maybe tell a joke or surprise them with good news.  Just keep the conversation short and engaging.

I once read that a typical advertisement needs to be viewed seven times by the same individual before that person takes action (i.e. buys the product).  If this is true then you’ll likely have to follow up with your ex several times with a new creative message before the odds start to lean in your favor.  That might sound like a lot but remember that you are trying to change their opinion of you.  Right now they don’t want you, but if you can get their attention and change their perspective one message at a time you will eventually succeed.

The same people getting back into the same relationship is only going to end up in another breakup down the road. If romance is to blossom again then the next chapter in your life together needs to be fresh and exciting. Easier said then done I know, but here are some simple solutions…

Care About Yourself
Although I have read suggestions that a complete makeover can help attract an ex back, I am cautious to recommend anything extreme. In my opinion the better approach is to simply start caring about how people perceive you. What can you do today to improve your physical and mental capacities? Obviously we could all shed a few pounds, but I don’t believe that covers everything. Confidence (which by the way is very attractive) is reinforced on many levels. When you look good, feel great, and surround yourself with “shiny objects” your confidence will grow. Take a look around your life and identify the things you’ve let go for too long.

Goals and Achievement
When you’ve been with someone long enough you start to think about the future. More importantly, you start to think about your future together. If you’re dating in high school then you begin to wonder if your relationship will survive college…when you’re in college you begin to look towards adulthood, etc. If the only you goal you have right now involves what you will do next weekend then I encourage you to reevaluate your life. Men and women both like to share the successes of their partners. They talk about you with friends, parents, and co-workers. What do you think your ex has shared about your future?

Zest for Life
Passion is contagious, and I’m not referring to romantic passion. Most people have several passions in their life, from charities to sports teams. It is what gets them out of bed in the morning and drives them to overcome obstacles. These passions lead directly to other successes in life. Why do you get out of bed in the morning? What passions did you and your ex share together? Perhaps it is something as simple as loving your dog and taking him to the park. Maybe you volunteer to help others. Whatever it is, how can you get more involved with your passions? Embracing life and your power to make a difference is an easy to capture the attention of your ex.

Some of the most common excuses are…
- “It’s not you, it’s me”
- “I have feelings for someone else”
- “We’re too young to be in a committed relationship.”
- “I just can’t do this anymore.”
- “I can’t take the fighting anymore.”
- “Things are different now.”
- “I’m moving and I don’t want a long distance relationship.”
- “Things are just going too fast.”

They make it sound as if you have to break up because of these issues, but the truth is every one of them is just an excuse. Anyone who has been in a relationship for more than 5 years has likely experienced all of the situations listed above to some degree. But a successful relationship works through the challenges because love and attraction prevail.

Consider how you first felt about your ex…the infatuation period if you will. You were so attracted to them that you didn’t even pay attention to their flaws. Everything was easy because “the little things” did not get in the way of your passion. To put it simply, love made you blind.

So the point here is this…strong feelings of romance and desire can erase all of the excuses your ex gave for breaking up with you. If you really read between the lines of the reasons they gave for dumping you, you’ll probably discover they were really just bored with the relationship. This happens quite often, but it is what you do to get past the boredom that will save or kill your time together.

What can you do to make your ex notice you again? How can you change their perception of you from “stale” to “fresh and exciting”? A good place to start is with this video called “Is Love All You Need?”

A common reason that break ups occur is because the relationship has grown tired. Even though both sides may still have feelings for one another, there is just not enough “good times” to keep the love alive. Now there are a zillion reasons why this could happen, but typically the problem stems from financial issues, work schedules, or a sheer lack of creativity. But it doesn’t matter much why complacency ruined your relationship. The important thing is not to let it ruin your chances to win love back.

The key with every step you take to draw your ex back is to think “outside of the box”. Basically, you should throw out whatever words or ideas you used in the past to cheer them up. The same old tricks will only yield the same old results…which in this case is a broken relationship.

The better way to approach the situation is to think about what your ex wasn’t getting from your time together. Tie this together with an idea to grab their attention and you will conquer the first step of getting them to talk to you again. There is a void somewhere in your past that ultimately led your ex to believe he or she was better off without you. What was it? How can you indirectly suggest to them that you won’t let it be a problem in the future?

So the challenge here is to invoke change in the way you and your ex relate to each other. From there you need to give them a reason to believe things have changed. Now this certainly is not an easy task, which is why you need to mix in elements of attraction to the equation. Regaining a level of attraction will give you more time to prove the relationship will be different the second time around.