It is common for the broken hearted to look at their break ups as something that just needs to be fixed. You think that changing one or two things about yourself or your relationship will cure everything. Inevitably this approach fails because you incorrectly assume what the real problem is that led to the break up. Let me explain some more…

Perception can be a difficult thing to measure. We all like to think we know what our partner likes and needs, but when we guess wrong it opens up a big hole in the communication process. As time goes on, the unfulfilled needs fester and the little arguments turn into bigger ones. At some point your partner gets tired of arguing and realizes he or she is never going to get what they need from you. They begin to visualize a future of unhappiness with you…and soon thereafter you get dumped.

For example, say your ex dumped you after an argument about them spending more time with you. You would be inclined to think they left because you were smothering them, so you try to “fix” the problem by promising them more space. However, the problem is that you totally missed the real reason they left.

What really happened was they grew tired of you not listening to them and this caused them to avoid you. The avoidance resulted in less time together and subsequently sparked that final argument. Because you were fighting about not spending time together you assumed that is why they left…but the truth is your ex really just needed you to listen to them more.

If you are going to attract your ex back then you need to get in touch with their needs and desires. Think deeply about how your ex perceives you. Why did your love for each other flourish for so long, yet somehow faded in the end?

Remember that the strongest feelings of love will overcome the little things, but a weaker bond will crumble under pressure. If you can satisfy your lover’s needs then they will look past your faults. Figure out what your ex needs to be happy and you will be well on your way to winning them back.

In our modern world we are always looking for the latest shortcut, gadget, or drug that will circumvent tasks we do not want to do.  In other words, we are always looking for the easy way out.  This thought process can carry over to our romantic relationships.
 
Because we are so used to getting everything we want with the click of a button, it is easy to forget that human relationships are based on communication and emotions.  Establishing love and trust takes time, and if your ex has left you then you will have to make changes if you are going to win them back.

You can’t insist on being an ordinary person.  The average person, hardly recognizable in a crowd, is content to let problems solve themselves and settles with being just an option.  They always follow the crowd and rarely “rocks the boat” by voicing their opinion.  If you are this type of person, then your tendency for letting life determine your future will ultimately cost you any chance of getting back with your lost lover.
 
To truly change your situation you will have to gain more control over your life.  You need to make decisions that are best for you and allow your personality to impact the people around you.  Emphasize your uniqueness and never be ashamed of your interests and opinions.  By changing from ordinary to extraordinary you will capture the focus of those who you come into contact with…including your ex.

Being extraordinary means being able to be recognized in a crowd full of ordinary people.  It means that no matter how filled a room is, you will stand out and be distinguished that you are you and not like anybody else. It means being better than the rest in terms of everything they are good at. To become extraordinary you need much more than good looks and popularity…you need confidence and charisma.

Are you willing to change the way you live life?  Can you ignore the self-defeating thoughts that have made you just another ordinary person?  When you are ready to accept the challenge of becoming extraordinary you will have all the tools you need to get your ex back.  You may even find that the “new you” has better options then reuniting with someone who left you behind.

This post is a continuation from Part 1 of How to Flirt with Your Ex

Keep Things Interesting
One reason people have trouble resolving issues with their ex is because they revisit the past too much.  They talk about how things used to be…and this works against them.  Remember that your ex left because he or she wasn’t happy.  They needed a change of pace, which means you should forget about all those things you used to do.

Make things fun again by building up the excitement and anticipation.  Surprise your ex with by showing them a new side of you they have not seen.  Keep them interested by inviting them to fun places like concerts, sporting events, and other things you have never done together.  They don’t necessarily have to be “dates” as you don’t want them to feel uncomfortable.  If you can keep them smiling and having fun then the relationship will eventually blossom again.

Leave Them Wanting More
Once you have established trust with your ex you can begin to work on the romance.  Once again you don’t want to rely on the same techniques you used before.  Have fun together and show your flirty side, but in the first few weeks you should stop before things get too steamy.  You want them to get that feeling that your relationship is heating up…but you also want them to know they will have to work for it.  The submissive personality in a relationship never has any power and this why you need to regain control.  Even though they broke up with you it is possible to turn the tables on them by planting nurturing their desire to be with you again.

Be Prepared to Walk Away
None of these flirting ideas will work unless you are able to walk away from your ex.  The first big test will come when you feel the electricity between you for the first time since your break up.  While it may be tempting to give in to your sexual desires, you have to hold out for a commitment.  You might face pressure from your ex to take the next step in getting back together, but until you know they are committed you have to be able to walk away.  Of course there is a small chance this strategy will end the relationship forever.  However, if your ex truly loves you, then waiting for the right moment will ultimately bring you closer together.

It can feel a little awkward to flirt with your ex when you are trying to win them back.  It is like two resisting forces working against each other.  Your ex is trying to distance himself from you, and at the same time you are trying to get closer to them.  But even though it might seem impossible to turn the tide of love in your favor, there are things you can do break the ice.

Make Them Feel Comfortable
You definitely don’t want to be too pushy during this emotional time.  You want your ex to feel confident and in control around you.  This means you have to use a more delicate approach to flirting.  Simple things like smiling while looking into their eyes can be very powerful as it will remind them of why they were attracted to you.  Try to keep your conversations focused on them.  People love to talk about themselves and it makes it easier to sustain a conversation when they feel like you are interested in what they have to say.  The bottom line is the more you can make them feel relaxed around you, the more open they will be to getting back together.

Show Them What They Are Missing
The only way to get your ex back is to show them that you are the best partner for them.  This means looking your best when you are out in public and focusing on being active and happy.  This isn’t always easy if you are going through a difficult breakup, but it is important to put forth your best effort.  There is a physical attraction involved with flirting, but there is also an emotional side of it as well.  Even if your ex left you behind for someone else it doesn’t mean they are completely satisfied.  By showing them how fun and exciting it is to be around you it is possible to make them forget everything that happened in the past.  Humans are selfish by nature, and if you can prove you have the power to make your ex happy then they will come back to you.

When it comes time to approaching your ex for the first time after your break up, it can be hard to think of the right things to say.  You want everything to be perfect and it can be easy to place unrealistic pressures on yourself.  Some people even procrastinate calling their ex because they want to wait until they find the right words.  While you certainly don’t want to make a fool of yourself, your best bet might be to have no expectations for the moment.

One of the reasons that people fail to reconnect with their ex is that they try too hard, which makes things seem rushed or forced.  Ideally you want your lover to decide on their own to give you another chance.  They are much more likely to be forgiving when they think they are in control.  This is why you need to use your first conversations to build trust.

Don’t stay up the whole night coming up with a poem or ridiculous letter.  This strategy may work under the right situations, but you can also make an impact by thinking outside the box.  Instead of being crushed by the break and up and begging for forgiveness, try pretending that everything is fine.  In fact, talk to them as if nothing ever happened. Make the impression that you expect things to be just fine and yesterday’s fight was just overblown.  Sure it is a little risky…but it is worth it for the chance that everything will solve itself.

You don’t need to write a romantic song to get back with your ex if you use psychology to your advantage.